Category: Media

“A Fine Son”

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This most remarkable thing about this story, I think, is the timing. I don’t want to give the surprise away to those of you who haven’t read it, but just think about the fact that Dahl was able to write this incredibly compassionate and and yet subtly ironic story (about a woman who has lost three children in the last eighteen months and desperately wants her newborn to survive) after witnessing countless horrible atrocities in World War II. It’s amazing. It’s also worth noting that this story, unlike many others, does not have a surprise “twist” at the very end. There is a shocking revelation, but the reader arrives at it gradually throughout the story.

Spoiler warning! The narrative begins immediately after the birth of a baby, a boy. The doctor tries to reassure the mother Klara that the child is healthy and will survive, but she has lost all hope after her other three children have died. We also learn that she and her husband, Alois, have recently moved to this new city and that he is an overbearing, unsatisfied sort of man. The doctor manages to convince her that her new son is all right and she decides to name him Adolphus, or Adolf for short. She finally gets to hold her little Adolf and falls in love with the beautiful child. Her husband arrives (Note: the doctor addresses him as “Herr Hitler”!!) and comments on the boy’s small size. The doctor pleads with him to give his wife some needed support. He finally kisses her and tries to comfort her. “He must live, Alois,” she cries. “He must, he must… Oh God, be merciful unto him now…” Of course, we know that the very infant whose life she prays for is none other than Adolf Hitler, the man responsible for millions of deaths and years of suffering in World War II.

“A Connoisseur’s Revenge”

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This is one of my favorite Dahl stories, and the one with (I think) the most potent twist in the tail of all. It’s not until the very last sentence that you understand the true story.

Spoiler warning! Lionel Lampson is a wealthy older gentleman who enjoys fine art and the company of the upper classes. One night he escorts a vulgar woman named Gladys Ponsonby home from a dinner party. Gladys, who is a little drunk, shows off a new portrait of herself that she had commissioned. She tells Lionel a secret – the artist, John Royden, paints all his subjects first in the nude, then in their underwear, and lastly in their clothes. He is shocked and correctly deduces that this is why all the wealthy women in town are rushing to have their portraits painted by him. Gladys then changes the subject and asks Lionel about his relationship with a young beauty named Janet de Pelagia. Lionel is embarrassed until Gladys relates that earlier that afternoon Janet had called him a “crashing bore”. Lionel is outraged and forces Gladys to repeat the entire conversation. He is so upset to hear what Janet thinks about him that he swoons. The next day he wakes and vows revenge. He hits upon the perfect plan and calls up this artist Royden. He tells him that he’d like a picture of Janet, but doesn’t want her to know about it. He pays Royden a handsome amount for his services, and then goes off to Italy for four months. By the time Lionel returns, Royden has finished the painting and it’s the talk of the Royal Academy. Royden delivers it to Lionel, who can’t wait to move on to the second part of his plan. He is an expert cleaner and restorer of paintings, and very carefully he begins to remove the top layer (the clothing) of the painting. By the time he has finished, Janet de Pelagia is standing before him almost life-size in nothing but her underclothes. Lionel then invites Janet and all the top members of society to his home for a dinner party. He keeps the dining room dark and they eat by candlelight. At the very end, he has the maid turn on the light. As he slips from the room, he has the pleasure of seeing on Janet’s face the “surprised, not-quite-understanding look of a person who precisely one second before has been shot dead, right through the heart”. As the outraged guests begin to exclaim over the painting, Lionel gets into his car and speeds off to his other house. Two days later, he receives a phone call from Gladys Ponsonby that kills his good mood. She tells him that all his old friends are against him and have sworn never to speak to him again. Lionel begins to feel quite bad. Then, in the post arrives a letter from Janet forgiving him and saying that she knew it was a joke and that she’s always loved him. She also sends him a jar of his favorite food, caviare. As the story ends, Lionel mentions that he might have eaten too much of it, as he isn’t feeling too well right now. In fact, he says, “come to think of it, I really do feel rather ill all of a sudden.”

(If you don’t get it, she sent him poisoned caviare as her revenge.)

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“Where Art Thou, Mother Christmas?”

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  • This poem was published as a charity Christmas card to benefit the Great Ormond Street Children’s Hospital in England.

Plot Description

Spoiler warning! This poem is an ode to Mother Christmas. The narrator wonders why we never hear of her. He bets that she buys all the gifts and wraps them while Father Christmas takes all the credit. “Down with Father Christmas, that unmitigated jerk!”

“Veruca Salt, the little brute…”

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Spoiler warning! This song is sung by the Oompa-Loompas after the squirrels throw Veruca and her parents down the garbage chute in the Nut Room. They discuss the nasty rotten bits of garbage that will become Veruca’s new friends. They also say that it’s not all Veruca’s fault; her parents were the ones that spoiled her in the first place. That’s why they’ve gone down the chute as well.

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“The Tummy Beast”

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Spoiler warning! A little boy tells his mummy that he has a person in his tummy. It talks to him at night in bed and demands to be fed. It tells him to sneak cookies from the tin. The boy knows it’s wrong to guzzle food all day, but he can’t help it, not with the person in his tummy. His mother accuses him of lying. “You are the greedy guzzling brat! / And that is why you’re always fat!” The boy tries again to explain but his mother sends him to bed. Just then his stomach begins to rumble and grunt and shake. A voice shouts, “I’m getting hungry! I want eats! / I want lots of chocs and sweets!” The boy asks his mother if she believes him now… but she’s fainted away on the floor.

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“The Tortoise and the Hare”

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Plot Description

Spoiler warning! The Tortoise is upset because the Hare has invaded his favourite dining spot – Mister Roach’s vegetable patch. So he formulates a plan. He challenges the Hare to a race and produces a contract that says the loser will stay away from the vegetable patch. The Hare agrees and signs. That night, the Tortoise pays a visit to Mister Rat, a brilliant engineer and corrupt businessman. The Tortoise offers to pay him to build a small motor-car that can be concealed within the Tortoises’s shell. After Rat takes the job (and Tortoises’s money), he calls the Hare and asks him how much he would pay to know of an evil plot against him. Hare is furious and pays to learn of Tortoise’s scheme. When Rat points out that nothing in the race contract forbids cheating, the Hare believes he will lose. Rat offers to make sure that he doesn’t – for a fee. The Hare pays up. The next day before the race, the Rat dumps a load of spiky nails across the track. The race begins and the Tortoise is far ahead in the lead. Just as he thinks he’s going to win, all four tires go flat. The Hare is thrilled until he too steps on the spiky nails. They both agree to call the race a draw. Meanwhile the Rat went home and counted all his pay. “So just remember if you can, / Don’t tangle with a business man. / It doesn’t matter who you choose, / They always win, we always lose. / If you were here and I was there, / If you were Tortoise, I was Hare, / We’d both get diddled in the end / By people like our Ratty friend.”

“The Toad and the Snail”

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Plot Description

Spoiler warning! The narrator is a little boy who loves playing in the lily-pond. One day he meets a giant frog there. The frog asks the boy to admire his legs. The boy tells the frog he looks like the boy’s Aunt Emily. The frog offers to take the boy for a ride. The boy climbs on and the frog jumps. With each leap they travel fifty miles! They have tea at the Cliffs of Dover and the frog wonders if he could leap across the Channel to France. They decide to give it a try. They soar across the sea and land in a funny little French village. Immediately people come out of their houses and run towards the frog with carving knives. You see, in France they do many things differently, like using the metric system. And they eat snails and frogs! They love to chop off frog legs and fry them in dripping. The whole town was excited to see such a large toad and wanted to eat him up. The boy tells the frog that perhaps they should escape. The frog explains that he is a MAGIC TOAD and loves to come to France to tease the people. He pushes a button on his head and suddenly he turns into a giant snail. Of course, the French people love snails and are even more determined to eat him up. The boy gets scared again, but the snail pulls a lever on his shell and turns into the “gorgeous, glamorous, absurd / enchanting ROLY-POLY BIRD”! He flies away with the boy on his back. They return home to the lily pond. The boy says he never told anyone about his trip because they wouldn’t believe him. “But you and I know well it’s true. / We know I jumped, we know I flew. / We’re sure it all took place, although / Not one of us will ever know, / We’ll never, never understand / Why children go to Wonderland.”

“The Three Little Pigs”

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Spoiler warning! This poem starts out with a tribute to pigs, but then the narrator notes that some pigs aren’t very clever. One pig, for instance, built his house of straw. A Wolf saw the house, blew it down, and ate the pig inside. Soon he came to another house of sticks, and again this house was blown down and the inhabitant eaten. The Wolf then came to a third house, this one made of bricks. Much to his dismay, he couldn’t blow it down. He yelled to the pig inside that he was going to return and blow it up with dynamite. The pig decided to call for help. He telephoned Miss Riding Hood and explained that he heard she had some experience dealing with wolves. She agrees to come right over. When she gets there, she shoots the Wolf dead and the pig cheers. “Ah, Piglet,” says the narrator, “You must never trust / Young ladies from the upper crust. For now, Miss Riding Hood, one notes, / Not only has two wolfskin coats, / But when she goes from place to place, / She has a PIGSKIN TRAVELING CASE.”

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